looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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