id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize