i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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