woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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