wrigley field is MILF paradise
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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