Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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