I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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