Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
