i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
