I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
