Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
