rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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