At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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