in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
