I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
