Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
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it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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