I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
