do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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