4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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