I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
