honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
