this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
