good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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