i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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