I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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