I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
