My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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