I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize