her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
