so that wasnt chicken after all
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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