please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
