meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
