just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
