You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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