So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
