nut hugger
i love accidental penises.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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