The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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