You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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