Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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