I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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