Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
