im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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