My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize