With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
