every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
