She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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