I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if only i could text you this smell
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're like the curious george of whores
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
