you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
