I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
