you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
