I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
