if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
