On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
