i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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