He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
