Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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