the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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