he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
