Please, let me fuck your mom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
