i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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