I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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