Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
