After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
