tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
