You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
